Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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