Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Still dying that you shit outside
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
be right there i have to get my cape
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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