Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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