Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
