he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
