I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
