she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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