You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
