The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
