You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
