I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
