I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
