Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize