i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
