i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
why is half of my head shaved?
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