420 ftw
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize