I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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