I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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