I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
