his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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