Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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