Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
