It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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