Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
