I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
