is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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