What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
