How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
