There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm really busy with my period
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