im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
