do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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