I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
