I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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