Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize