What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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