I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
