How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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