Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
