Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she smelled like a LAN party
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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