This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
