just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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