Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
