i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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