Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
