you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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