If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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