i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
