I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
