That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
