Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
