if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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