I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
