Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
