just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
