Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
