I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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