I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to make out with him forever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
