Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize