i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
