I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
