Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
