You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
