my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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