After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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