i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
