True but thats because hes a fetus.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
