Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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