He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
