you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
