ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
