He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize