actually, I'm a sock model
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
