my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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