roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
