I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My feet surprised me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
