woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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