One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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