Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
