I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
