We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
