The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize