something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
