god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize