im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize