just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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