youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We got so high we made milksteak
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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