apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
