Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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