My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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