I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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