can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
