i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
