Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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