She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize