I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
